Opinion – Big Gabe Ranks 2013’s Comic Book/Superhero Films

Written by Gabriel “Big Gabe” Alcantara of Stuffed Burrito Entertainment

Now that Thor: The Dark World, the last major comic book/superhero film release of 2013, is out in theaters, I think it’s safe to rank up these silly, little fantasy movies. This is just a quick, little opinion piece, not a fancy article. So please don’t be too critical of my writing ability with this post, I wasn’t setting out to win the Pulitzer Prize with this one. In fact, I was actually typing this out as a status update on Facebook, no bullshit. But it’s like Scott Menzel aka MovieManMenzel always says, if you got something interesting to say, that’s movie related, say it on We Live Film.

Now, I’m not gonna debate with anyone. If anyone wants to start a debate amongst each other here, be my guest. I’d be interested in what people have to say and I might even join in. I just want to say that I, myself, not being a comic book reader, was rather satisfied with the major comic book films of 2013 with the exception of one. I always watch a comic book film to be entertained and to be transported to a world where anything is possible. I don’t over think these sons of bitches because they are fantasy. I’m too busy over thinking reality, yo. The only way I’ll dislike a comic book film is if it’s boring, poorly made or I couldn’t get invested into it. Each of the comic book/superhero films of this year had problems, issues and flaws, like most films, but in MY opinion, they were mostly all great escapism that I thoroughly enjoyed. So here are MY rankings for the five (there were only five, really) major comic book/superhero films. .

Again, this is my opinion and these are just my quick thoughts. I’m not here to be thorough. Again, this just started out as a Facebook post. Also, there may be minor spoilers but nothing major, I can assure you.



5.) Kick-Ass 2 – My rating: 3 outta 5. Here it is, the one film in this sub-genre that disappointed me, yet, I still found some enjoyment out of it. The main problem with this sequel is that it just isn’t as sharp and witty as the original. I mean, it doesn’t even come close. It’s a mess, really. The writing is pretty bad and the humor is juvenile. In a situation where Mindy/Hit-Girl is about to get even with some high school clique girls that wronged here, the solution involves vomit and pooping… that’s all I’m gonna say. Not only disgusting but just plain stupid. The action is messy too. Lots of shaky cam was used as opposed to good, clean, well shot action. The one thing I hated is they ruined the relationship between Dave/Kick-Ass and his girlfriend, Katie. They turned her into a two-timing bitch. I had a lot of issues with this film that I’m not going to post here because this isn’t a review. Although, I have to say Christopher Mintz-Plasse as The Motherfucker was very annoying. I just didn’t have as much fun with Kick-Ass 2 as I should have. Still, it was entertaining enough for me to give it a mildly positive rating. I liked that Kick-Ass finally kicked ass… to a certain extent. Also, despite voicing his foolish thoughts on the film’s violence on Twitter, Jim Carrey as Colonel Stars and Stripes was pretty amusing. So, not a great sequel, at all, but still, an amusing film. I sure did miss Nicholas Cage though.


Iron Man 3 poster for rankings article

4.) Iron Man 3 – My rating: 4 outta 5. Yes, the whole Mandarin thing was a mess and almost ruined the movie for me. And there are plenty of things to bitch about in this film as well, it’s sloppy and very cartoonish. But you know what, I like cartoons and Iron Man 3 was a fun cartoon with really cool action and yet, another great performance from Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. And me, personally, I liked that there was more Tony Stark than Iron Man. That’s the power of RDJ, his presence is more thrilling than a man in an iron suit. I liked the subplot with him and the smart-assed kid from the small town who helps Stark rebuild the Iron Man suit, I liked Guy Pierce as the villain he played, I highly enjoyed the visuals, the action, it was just an all around good time. Now it may not fair well with repeated viewings but I remember enjoying it when I saw it back it May. So until I see it again, I’m gonna say, I liked it.


thor the dark world poster

3.) Thor: The Dark World – My rating: 4 outta 5. I really, truly liked the first film. I was enthused by it’s storytelling. The conflicts between family, duty, honor, love. It was really quite Shakespearean. Now this film didn’t have storytelling quite that strong but it highly delivered on the thrills and excitement, along with some decent laughs and witty performances. Plus, it’s not like the story was weak, really. There’s a lot going on, even though the plot seems to be aimed more towards fans of the comics. There was still enough story for me to care about, what with Thor having to work alongside the brother who betrayed him and Thor having to restore order in the nine realms or some shit like that, haha. I also liked seeing the relationship build between Thor and Jane Foster (Natalie Portman). Yes, there were issues that even I couldn’t look past, such as an under-developed villain who wasn’t always interesting and some of the humor didn’t work. Plenty of negative things could be said about this film but overall, I liked it a lot. And to all those Kat Dennings haters, F y’all, man, I like her. Well, at least we all could agree on one thing… Tom Hiddleston as Loki rules!


wolverine ink poster

2.) The Wolverine – My rating: 4 outta 5. Look, I love this character and I love Hugh Jackman as the character, who’s name is Logan, by the way. I’m just sayin’, people don’t call him Logan often enough. The film, at times, had some really brilliant direction, great set pieces and exciting action sequences. The story of Logan and the guilt he held from his past was captivating and it was anchored by another great performance from Jackman. Overall, I was excited throughout the film. It had a serious tone but still managed to be fun, so I gotta give it props for that. Whatever issues people have with the film is understandable, it’s not a perfect film, I got a sense of that but for what it was, I had a ball with it. It will be interesting to see what the director’s cut can offer later this year on blu-ray.


man-of-steel-poster fly

1.) Man of Steel – My rating: 4.5 outta 5 (could possibly change to a 4 once I see it again). I don’t give a good goddamn what anyone says about the carelessness of Superman fighting in Metropolis and the thousands of people who may have died and property damage and all that goddamned non-sense, I freakin’ loved this film, even with all of its flaws. I loved the tone and the style of the film. I appreciated that non-linear story telling of Kal-El/Clark Kent’s childhood, how it was told through flashbacks rather than in a straight-forward manner, allowing the audience to be a part of Clark’s journey to uncover his origins. I loved the visual effects, the score, the performances, Michael Shannon as General Zod. So much about this film is glorious to me. Most of all, it gave me the action I wanted to see in a Superman movie. I know this film could have been better and there are plenty of things to bitch about, but I don’t care. I’m not here to debate. I had a blast with Man of Steel and that’s all that matters to me.


So that’s all folks. Jesus Christ, imagine if this was a Facebook post? Fuck a duck! One film is missing, I’ll admit and that’s Red 2. I haven’t seen it yet but I don’t think it matters all that much. It certainly didn’t matter much to Bruce Willis when he promoted the film. Jesus, Bruce, smile. You’re rich and you have a hot wife that’s 23 years younger than you. Anyway, feel free to commit down below. Tell me how full of shit I am, let the debate on the destruction of Metropolis continue, rank these films on your own scale, whatever you want, just please comment and be civil. Peace.

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