Stuck in a small town, three buddies—Zeke Olsen (Michael Abbott Jr.), Earl Wyeth (Andre Hyland), and Dick Long (Daniel Scheinert, who also directs)—do whatever they can to keep themselves entertained. They play in their garage band Pink Freud where they do covers of cliché 90s rock, guzzle copious amounts of PBR, set off illegal fireworks in the field behind the house, and, well… let’s just say that their other favorite activity is not for the faint of heart (or card-carrying members of PETA). This bizarre excuse for fun winds up leading to the death of Dick, leaving his hapless pals desperate to cover the circumstance up and to dodge the law.
The rest of the movie unfolds over the next day as Zeke and Earl scramble to cover up the crime, but of course, they instead make things exponentially worse in this backwoods comedy-of-errors. The humor is pitch-black, not unlike something you’d expect to see in something like Fargo, but Scheinert is the same guy who brought us Swiss Army Man (aka, “the flatulent corpse movie”) so I’m afraid it’s not quite Coen-level clever. In spite of the fact that The Death of Dick Long relies heavily on the obvious (I mean, come on, just look at the title), there are some genuinely poignant character moments delivered with panache by the relatively unknown cast.
The accidental criminals are “dumb hicks” but thankfully there’s just a little more to them than just that. Zeke’s terror at being found out is amusing and tragic in equal measure, while Earl’s vape-sucking tough guy is softened by his budding romantic interest in his helpful neighbor, Lake (Sunita Mani). Hot on the heels of the desperate duo are three authority figures: Richter (Roy Wood Jr.) is the suspicious E.R. doctor who hadn’t been able to save Dick despite his best efforts; Spenser (Janelle Cochran) is the long-time alcoholic sheriff, and eager Deputy Dudley (Sarah Baker) is more than just a quiche-loving clueless cop. If that weren’t bad enough, there are also three suspicious females stoking the flames: Zeke’s wife (Lydia Newcomb) and daughter (Poppy Cunningham) know something’s up, while Dick’s distraught widow (Jess Wiexler) who will stop at nothing to find the truth.
While there are some things to like about The Dick of Death Long, the odd pacing makes the movie feel slow at times and there’s some redundancy to the dumb mistakes made by Zeke and Earl. But all that changes when the twist is revealed. This plot-turn will either win audiences over or turn them off. I’m in the latter camp; I feel that a different, less-offensive reveal could have been just as effective. But then again, it is one of the most shameful things I can imagine, which does lend credence to the idea that the buddies would risk life and limb to keep their secret buried.
The Dick of Death Long is a tossup for me. But I definitely don’t recommend it’s worth seeing in theaters. Wait for streaming or home video instead.
